Another year that passed by and we got older by an year. Growing up and to be with the terms of life is a difficult process. We lead our life on the edge or rather rough edges. The questions that life throws at us, the constraints and the decisions. The Desire to excel, desire to do more and desire to hold. The search for the goal, the search for protection and search for serenity. The kindness of the people, the bitterness of the relationship. Most of all the weight of our own responsibilities.
Will be there be any respite or an end???
No, we need to fight for better and it is a continuous process. We all know these things exists , but we have learnt to deal with them better and they do not throw any surprises at us because the year that was had its own fair share of gloomy and bright days. On the eve of new year, the last day ponder over the time that life has given to us which brings us joy and happiness. Otherwise it becomes void and there wont be any relief... the present, free from burden of yesterday as well as tomorrow.
There were gains and losses.. pleasure and pains, happiness and sadness... I hope that last 24 hours takes all the latter with it. And there is calm yet chaotic,mind battles with the heart.. it give strength to struggle and blossoms the interest.
Anyhow, when it gets really low, it starts getting better because it can't get worse. And so, life has started hoping to look better again. Most importantly I have started to wait and do the things in bits and pieces.The world started looking beautiful. Learning to unlearn myself.
There is plenty to do, plenty to achieve and plenty to rekindle. The ability to survive , and to learn and freedom to be me. Here to all, A Happy new year 2011 and biding farewell to the year that was !!!
In Pursuit for the year 2011.....
30.12.10
12.7.10
I Wish.. I Could .....
Boring life and sleepless nights gives some kind of inspiration to budge some words on the blog post. Seems earth is in a real hurry to put this universe into an end, yeah… days are getting rolled down really faster. All I remember is Monday Morning blues every week and by the time I get over from it I am in front of another lazy or rather boring weekend.
I read a line somewhere, “To Start a business you do not need a big investment, but an even bigger IDEA”. I ponder over these words everyday in my cab for which I need to get up very early in the morning which I hate the most. The fire inside me burning high and grudge to start on my own is getting stronger. I know, need to fuel it before it burn into ashes. Or it is just the sensation. May be I do not have that talent to fire an idea.
Wish I will be successful one day, wish I will take my salary home not on some one’s appraisal but on the profit I do. Have loads of things to write, sentences are not becoming short neither the word count going down. But I fear to put my heart out on the black wall (Blog).
Wish I had a girl friend who would have understood what I felt and what I want to tell, Wish I could call her up and talk over the mobile anytime just to spend the night without sleep. Wish I could drive her in my lil car way ahead just to sip a cup of coffee on a chilly winter night. Wish I could hold her hands when I am afraid. Wish I could share the taste of hot chocolate fudge on a rainy day. Wish I could tell her how much I love. Wish I could hear her scolding, feel her beatings, see her eyes when they are angry. And I wish….. …
list is endless.
A vivid creature in my mind tells me that, it is good how you are, do not wish for something which is actually not yours. Hope but not expect!!
Did I mention that I follow heart than the mind????
Quite obvious that I am getting older by an year (It always happens every year) and marriage is around the corner. And I switch to the thoughts of
“Who will marry a guy who just has a bachelor degree and earning just enough to make both ends meet?”
I read a line somewhere, “To Start a business you do not need a big investment, but an even bigger IDEA”. I ponder over these words everyday in my cab for which I need to get up very early in the morning which I hate the most. The fire inside me burning high and grudge to start on my own is getting stronger. I know, need to fuel it before it burn into ashes. Or it is just the sensation. May be I do not have that talent to fire an idea.
Wish I will be successful one day, wish I will take my salary home not on some one’s appraisal but on the profit I do. Have loads of things to write, sentences are not becoming short neither the word count going down. But I fear to put my heart out on the black wall (Blog).
Wish I had a girl friend who would have understood what I felt and what I want to tell, Wish I could call her up and talk over the mobile anytime just to spend the night without sleep. Wish I could drive her in my lil car way ahead just to sip a cup of coffee on a chilly winter night. Wish I could hold her hands when I am afraid. Wish I could share the taste of hot chocolate fudge on a rainy day. Wish I could tell her how much I love. Wish I could hear her scolding, feel her beatings, see her eyes when they are angry. And I wish….. …
list is endless.
A vivid creature in my mind tells me that, it is good how you are, do not wish for something which is actually not yours. Hope but not expect!!
Did I mention that I follow heart than the mind????
Quite obvious that I am getting older by an year (It always happens every year) and marriage is around the corner. And I switch to the thoughts of
“Who will marry a guy who just has a bachelor degree and earning just enough to make both ends meet?”
11.3.10
2 states of a fickle Mind..... !!!
A complete non activity on my blog page over the months finally brought me to the front of my desktop to hit few keys on the ever sounding keyboard to unfold the state of my mind.
AT office….
Life seems to be quintessential sometimes, feels great about the path that I have traveled but as boredom peppers my thoughts, life becomes unimaginable. May be getting some writers for my life would make things better.
A normal day in office, and outlook pop up told me that I have an email to read. Sender’s address is not at all important here as the address do not carry any name with it. A thousand testers with their ammunitions would have attacked the poor application and it had showed them the dead end. The dossier of the attack is the mail got from their id.
Now, the entire mind is in the description as millions thoughts goes through my mind to isolate the cause for the issue. In a few hundred million lines of code my job is to find the one buggy line of code….. no one buggy statement… no no one buggy symbol. Yeah, this is my job and I am so bored of it. Always feels that I could stuck up with a job like this forever, may be my entire life. When I realize it, I want to run away, or keep running just like Forrest Gump.
I curse the tester, that who in the universe asked him/her to test the datetime format of the data with microseconds. As I lookup for the answers, I start looking for answers in my IE with google.co.in being typed in the URL. At the end of the day or call it COB/EOD as in software language, I have to assign the bug for a re-test.. no matter what falls on you? !!!
Out of Office…..
As witticisms sprinkle a smile on my face, I sink to the feeling that I am reading a book over someone shoulder’s and each line connects with me. I can smell the new book and it is so refreshing, I stretch my neck to see the collection of alphabets and each set reminds me of the person I am. I stretch little more almost getting up from the seat and effort is not useless as I again re-connect with tiny lines of the book. Now, I want to read more, I want to know more about myself, as curious as a cat to wonder is this the writer I was looking for?
In the middle of thoughts I settle for a comfortable seating as my eyes stares the lines on the rightmost page. Neither my seating position nor the page number made any difference as I witness life unfolding in pages. Again my neck gets stretched to read the last line and I curse the reader to turn the page … PTO…. I calculate his reading ability, but all falls in vain. The page number becomes static, as I wonder about the remaining pages. I make a last minute effort to read the remaining, but as destiny calls it eyes ends up seeing the color of the book as it makes its way into the reader’s bag. I do not want my life to be like this, I want to read the higher page numbers and I should always say to myself “Please Turn Over….” at the end of each page.
Feels like a fiction???? :)
Sorry, the state of my mind is asking more and is asking answers for a question…. I do not know what the answer is but all I can do is scream…
“Here I Am - this is me
There is no where else on earth I’d rather be… “ like Bryan Adams !!
AT office….
Life seems to be quintessential sometimes, feels great about the path that I have traveled but as boredom peppers my thoughts, life becomes unimaginable. May be getting some writers for my life would make things better.
A normal day in office, and outlook pop up told me that I have an email to read. Sender’s address is not at all important here as the address do not carry any name with it. A thousand testers with their ammunitions would have attacked the poor application and it had showed them the dead end. The dossier of the attack is the mail got from their id.
Now, the entire mind is in the description as millions thoughts goes through my mind to isolate the cause for the issue. In a few hundred million lines of code my job is to find the one buggy line of code….. no one buggy statement… no no one buggy symbol. Yeah, this is my job and I am so bored of it. Always feels that I could stuck up with a job like this forever, may be my entire life. When I realize it, I want to run away, or keep running just like Forrest Gump.
I curse the tester, that who in the universe asked him/her to test the datetime format of the data with microseconds. As I lookup for the answers, I start looking for answers in my IE with google.co.in being typed in the URL. At the end of the day or call it COB/EOD as in software language, I have to assign the bug for a re-test.. no matter what falls on you? !!!
Out of Office…..
As witticisms sprinkle a smile on my face, I sink to the feeling that I am reading a book over someone shoulder’s and each line connects with me. I can smell the new book and it is so refreshing, I stretch my neck to see the collection of alphabets and each set reminds me of the person I am. I stretch little more almost getting up from the seat and effort is not useless as I again re-connect with tiny lines of the book. Now, I want to read more, I want to know more about myself, as curious as a cat to wonder is this the writer I was looking for?
In the middle of thoughts I settle for a comfortable seating as my eyes stares the lines on the rightmost page. Neither my seating position nor the page number made any difference as I witness life unfolding in pages. Again my neck gets stretched to read the last line and I curse the reader to turn the page … PTO…. I calculate his reading ability, but all falls in vain. The page number becomes static, as I wonder about the remaining pages. I make a last minute effort to read the remaining, but as destiny calls it eyes ends up seeing the color of the book as it makes its way into the reader’s bag. I do not want my life to be like this, I want to read the higher page numbers and I should always say to myself “Please Turn Over….” at the end of each page.
Feels like a fiction???? :)
Sorry, the state of my mind is asking more and is asking answers for a question…. I do not know what the answer is but all I can do is scream…
“Here I Am - this is me
There is no where else on earth I’d rather be… “ like Bryan Adams !!
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