The Year that was !!!

Another year that passed by and we got older by an year. Growing up and to be with the terms of life is a difficult process. We lead our life on the edge or rather rough edges. The questions that life throws at us, the constraints and the decisions. The Desire to excel, desire to do more and desire to hold. The search for the goal, the search for protection and search for serenity. The kindness of the people, the bitterness of the relationship. Most of all the weight of our own responsibilities.

Will be there be any respite or an end???

No, we need to fight for better and it is a continuous process. We all know these things exists , but we have learnt to deal with them better and they do not throw any surprises at us because the year that was had its own fair share of gloomy and bright days. On the eve of new year, the last day ponder over the time that life has given to us which brings us joy and happiness. Otherwise it becomes void and there wont be any relief... the present, free from burden of yesterday as well as tomorrow.

There were gains and losses.. pleasure and pains, happiness and sadness... I hope that last 24 hours takes all the latter with it. And there is calm yet chaotic,mind battles with the heart.. it give strength to struggle and blossoms the interest.

Anyhow, when it gets really low, it starts getting better because it can't get worse. And so, life has started hoping to look better again. Most importantly I have started to wait and do the things in bits and pieces.The world started looking beautiful. Learning to unlearn myself.

There is plenty to do, plenty to achieve and plenty to rekindle. The ability to survive , and to learn and freedom to be me. Here to all, A Happy new year 2011 and biding farewell to the year that was !!!

In Pursuit for the year 2011.....

I Wish.. I Could .....

Boring life and sleepless nights gives some kind of inspiration to budge some words on the blog post. Seems earth is in a real hurry to put this universe into an end, yeah… days are getting rolled down really faster. All I remember is Monday Morning blues every week and by the time I get over from it I am in front of another lazy or rather boring weekend.

I read a line somewhere, “To Start a business you do not need a big investment, but an even bigger IDEA”. I ponder over these words everyday in my cab for which I need to get up very early in the morning which I hate the most. The fire inside me burning high and grudge to start on my own is getting stronger. I know, need to fuel it before it burn into ashes. Or it is just the sensation. May be I do not have that talent to fire an idea.

Wish I will be successful one day, wish I will take my salary home not on some one’s appraisal but on the profit I do. Have loads of things to write, sentences are not becoming short neither the word count going down. But I fear to put my heart out on the black wall (Blog).

Wish I had a girl friend who would have understood what I felt and what I want to tell, Wish I could call her up and talk over the mobile anytime just to spend the night without sleep. Wish I could drive her in my lil car way ahead just to sip a cup of coffee on a chilly winter night. Wish I could hold her hands when I am afraid. Wish I could share the taste of hot chocolate fudge on a rainy day. Wish I could tell her how much I love. Wish I could hear her scolding, feel her beatings, see her eyes when they are angry. And I wish….. …

list is endless.


A vivid creature in my mind tells me that, it is good how you are, do not wish for something which is actually not yours. Hope but not expect!!

Did I mention that I follow heart than the mind????

Quite obvious that I am getting older by an year (It always happens every year) and marriage is around the corner. And I switch to the thoughts of

“Who will marry a guy who just has a bachelor degree and earning just enough to make both ends meet?”

2 states of a fickle Mind..... !!!

A complete non activity on my blog page over the months finally brought me to the front of my desktop to hit few keys on the ever sounding keyboard to unfold the state of my mind.

AT office….

Life seems to be quintessential sometimes, feels great about the path that I have traveled but as boredom peppers my thoughts, life becomes unimaginable. May be getting some writers for my life would make things better.

A normal day in office, and outlook pop up told me that I have an email to read. Sender’s address is not at all important here as the address do not carry any name with it. A thousand testers with their ammunitions would have attacked the poor application and it had showed them the dead end. The dossier of the attack is the mail got from their id.

Now, the entire mind is in the description as millions thoughts goes through my mind to isolate the cause for the issue. In a few hundred million lines of code my job is to find the one buggy line of code….. no one buggy statement… no no one buggy symbol. Yeah, this is my job and I am so bored of it. Always feels that I could stuck up with a job like this forever, may be my entire life. When I realize it, I want to run away, or keep running just like Forrest Gump.

I curse the tester, that who in the universe asked him/her to test the datetime format of the data with microseconds. As I lookup for the answers, I start looking for answers in my IE with google.co.in being typed in the URL. At the end of the day or call it COB/EOD as in software language, I have to assign the bug for a re-test.. no matter what falls on you? !!!

Out of Office…..

As witticisms sprinkle a smile on my face, I sink to the feeling that I am reading a book over someone shoulder’s and each line connects with me. I can smell the new book and it is so refreshing, I stretch my neck to see the collection of alphabets and each set reminds me of the person I am. I stretch little more almost getting up from the seat and effort is not useless as I again re-connect with tiny lines of the book. Now, I want to read more, I want to know more about myself, as curious as a cat to wonder is this the writer I was looking for?

In the middle of thoughts I settle for a comfortable seating as my eyes stares the lines on the rightmost page. Neither my seating position nor the page number made any difference as I witness life unfolding in pages. Again my neck gets stretched to read the last line and I curse the reader to turn the page … PTO…. I calculate his reading ability, but all falls in vain. The page number becomes static, as I wonder about the remaining pages. I make a last minute effort to read the remaining, but as destiny calls it eyes ends up seeing the color of the book as it makes its way into the reader’s bag. I do not want my life to be like this, I want to read the higher page numbers and I should always say to myself “Please Turn Over….” at the end of each page.


Feels like a fiction???? :)

Sorry, the state of my mind is asking more and is asking answers for a question…. I do not know what the answer is but all I can do is scream…

“Here I Am - this is me
There is no where else on earth I’d rather be… “ like Bryan Adams !!

Being in those 4 letters !!

“…And I hope you are the one I share my life with,
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you’re the one I build my home with…
I hope I love you all my life….”
--Daniel Bedingfield, If your not the one

Everyone accepts that being in Love is out of the world experience and cannot be compared with anything else in this universe. Hmmm (thinking), may be. I have searched for this feeling all through my life.I always ended up on one side. Put it in right words.. it never matured from Infactiuation.

But, I am not complaining. It is better than to be on One side rather than making it Two. A one side feeling is enough to Blush, enuf to think, enuf to get pampered...

But how long??????

ThanksGiving!!!

Post is dedicated to all those who Wished,blessed and supported me during last 40 days are so.

Recession made me to pay a hefty price and costs me a job change. Now hoping to make the best i am marching to conquer all hurdles.
At very rare occasions i do get chances to "Thank" some one. But most of the times I wont. But this time i don't want to miss this rare opportunity.

Mom,Dad and Grandma. -- My Assets

Sharath,Vinay,Amit,Harsha,Sanjeev,Suman,Uday,Kishan,Satish, Mohan,Sarat,Divya and Priyanka. -- My Friends

Satish,Ramesh and Suresh -- My Cousins

Arundathi,Rekha and Heera -- My dearest bhabis

Vindhya and Vibha -- My younger sisters

Vinu -- My sweet Sister.


I have to admit, Whatever I am today is not because of my deeds. It is all my parents wishes,blessings and faith. And all those are "Invaluable"

Once Again "Thanks for all the support and Wishes"

Synonym to MUSIC.. MJ

"He Never Missed a Beat,But today (on 25th, June '09) beat missed him". This was the quote given by an American after the Great Michael Joseph Jackson passed away. How true? Yes it is and indeed.

I cannot remember when I first heard his name or who told me about Michael Jackson and what he does, because I was really young back then. It's like I already knew it. He was always there. People from every country in the world, knew Michael Jackson even if they didn't know who their president/prime minister was. Such was the popularity of Michael Jackson.

When i was a kid i used to hear his songs, trying to imitate his dance... though television, music gadgets were rare at that time, i could here his beats, his music and see his passion for the same. I didn know he was an American back then. All i remember was there is a person by name Michael Jackson who makes great music and performs to each beat of his tune. Though i never used to understand the lines in English, his music made me to keep my ears always open to listen and ponder over it. He is not just an American, he is the KING to the world of music and its lovers/fans.

People of all age/race were not just heard but rather influenced by him. Gone are the days where millions of people could find themselves unconscious at the glimpse of him.

It doesn't matter if you are Black or White, American or Asian , all that matters is What You Did after coming to this world? And MJ is remembered for his music, but nothing else in ages to come.

Every Song of his had a life of its own. Rest is silent now. MJ you are the greatest ever.

I surely miss your Beats...

RIP... MJ.

All Over Again !!!

After two months of no activity on my blog, I am back.. Down and Dusted!!! The hiatus on blogging tells me how was i pre-occupied with materialistic shadows. But in these eight weeks life threw me some lessons to learn.

Things can screw up your ass and you may hit rock bottom. No where your past achievements comes for the rescue. But,no substitute for hard work.

Believe in those who can support always.. I mean always under any circumstances.

Where ever you go and how well you behave, there will be few people who are jealous of your happiness. They don't matter at all.

Influence should not be over rated. Never get those words from people who thinks what is best for you. No one knows what is best than yourself. I mean it !!

There is no need to show or put up for what you don't like. Minimal interaction is good.

You cannot force anyone to love You !!! I wish i had known this earlier.

It is good We keep our mouth SHUT. It really helps.

Above all.. whatever happens it happens for good :)

Simple Truth

At 211 degrees, water is hot.
At 212 degrees, it boils.
And with boiling water comes steam.
And steam can power a locomotive.
The one extra degree makes all the difference.


So go and cast your vote. Even a single vote could make a huge difference.

Wake UP !!!!

Jago aur Jagao !

Story of Uncertainty ! ! !

It was same time 4 years back,the whole college was buzzing about the first cycle of Campus Interview.Calculating GPA's,preparing resumes,tips of interview,becoming a puzzle in solving a puzzle,increasing inter-personal skills and anticipating for a offer letter with handsome salary. This was the first time the ghost of uncertainty engulfed me.Honestly I wasn't confident even i will get through with any interviews and even i too can have a hand some salary to spend upon.

Touch wood, later got an offer from one of the companay that visited our campus and i self-realized that i wasn't that bad.Later,it was little unknown to me that clouds of uncertainty will fall over me again and again.

Work in MNC,Five figure salary and the status made me a certain person that even i too can think of having a Girl friend,spend some nice moments with her,go on a movie in weekends and chill out ourselves in coffee shops and Ice cream parlors. But, This certainty is still a uncertainty. Now being an employee of so called IT sector eludes me even having of that because even my opposite sex are uncertain about the Software uncertainty. Thanks to global economy.

Then first step into professional life with uncertainties upon its shoulders.First thing was, will i be able to complete my stint as trainee. Then it was, will i be able to code,next is it possible for catching up with deadline,will i get a hike or appraisal and then will my manager be happy with performance. It takes uncertain number of pages to list.

So in the end.....

Still dark clouds of uncertainties hanging over to burst upon me I am signing off saying that those uncertainties gave some little opportunity to be a Human,be responsible and be kind to everyone.

Let's leave it for almighty,thinking there is something for me in near future.Certainly.

I don knw Y???

Was working in the office today.... Work was hectic from last week and pressure to perform was high. Suddenly my phone rang.. I said Hello... in a very low voice not knowing who is there at the other end.

A voice said hello... Then i realized it is indeed my Mom... Then she said come home early and do not eat anything outside i have made Your favorite dish. I said okie will come and hanged up.

After few seconds i realized that there were tears in my eyes. Is it because of work,boredom,tired i don know.

I don know is mother love behind it. Or even i don know i was hungry.

All i know is Watever i may be to the world.. But for my mom i m still her little who likes her a lot. Is it?? Or more than this.. Really Don know...

Thanks Maaa.....

HiBerNaTe !!!

SLEEP... has become a distant cousin to me. I am in no mood to explain .. the reasons for it !!!

So it is me @hibernation at its best :(

being myself !!

I have been wanting to write for so long, I know this is my often repeated phrase in almost every post, but this time it's not because of a lack of ideas for a great lead, but because i was obsessed to write something.

What provoked me to write was not the usual bad mood or the unusual happiness. It was something I thought I had lost touch with.
Now that I am hoping you want to know what it is that I am yapping about, I somehow seem to have lost track of what I actually wanted to begin with. I digress..

After writing the above lines, still i don't know what should i do to transform the blinking cursor into words.

Still..

This is Wat i am.. i.e being myself.

Off late, got few comments about my words in the posts on my blog. But those words are just being me or myself. May be there is a lot or everything about me in the blog that a person should be aware or shouldn't be.

As far as i know it doesn't matter. The words in my posts are the reflections of my feelings which i cannot share with any of my close buddies.May be i would be criticized of not having good buddies to share those or I am not eligible to be sharing anything about me with anyone.

To some extent it would be correct... But this is how i am...
I write here for myself and to get back to those old memories. It is weird na?

But being in..

a life that leaves
a sign of pain
a life that brews
a sign of remain

a love for one
a life is heaven
a love undone is
a life of hoven

Days got rolled over again,but the words died in my heart and never made their way to blog. Wanted to write about so many things.. but don know life has become lethargic.

The spirit and the enthu seems to be died inside. Terror struck mumbai again and thought of writing a few lines, but again i am not in the system to change anything and my words and lines may never count.Same bell struck again.. What should i write?

Changed the job,joined another company in the recession time anticipating a change in life. But still i am googling for that change to happen. Lots of feelings,frustrations and loneliness beating me up everyday. I need a change or may be a BREAK!!!! Still not sure what i want??????

All i can say is...

इस मोड़ से जाते हैं
कुछ सुस्त कदम रस्ते
कुछ तेज़ कदम राहें !!

U Never Know !! Destiny or Desire

Isn't it true that we never know what is there in store for us? Or is it like we will always end up what we never wanted to be?

Difficult decision to make .. There is always a thin line between what we desire and what we get. Just we need a sharp eye (in this case soul) to read between the lines. If the soul makes the judgment across the line then we always get what we desired for.

If desire meets destiny then that would be the most satisfied life anyone can spend. But until we find our destiny .... it is the desire which keeps us moving towards our destiny.

We meet so many people and we move away with so many. There will be very few people whom you never wanted to meet .. that is your desire.... But one fine day you end up seeing that person each other and you do not have any option rather than going and a sharing few good words.And you fell well short of those words. This is destiny.

It doesn't mean that you hate or dislike that person. It is like you are running far away from yourself. Life is not about running away from anyone but instead sticking right up there and facing all those stones that life throws at you.

One of my friend used to say " When life throws a lemon at u, don't be satisfied by making a lemonade out of it ... ask for a shot of Tequila instead !! "

Yes very much true. we have to make most of what life gives us. Because there is hardly any second chance.

We would have done some mistakes... May be we were destined to do that .. to evolve as a strong person.. or To learn from the mistakes.

"Learn from the Mistakes".. do not repeat the same. Because life teaches us lessons everyday and we should have the desire to learn .. since we are destined to do that.

U never know what is going to be tomorrow. We know about today. Enjoy today.. Cherish the memories of yesterday and have the desire to wait for tomorrow !!

I-n - Security

I woke up , woke up to hear the soft sound of the lIght drIzzle,, a lIttle downpour marked the begInIng of the raIny season. LIttle breeze made ways through the open wIndows ... wIth sound just lIke a pressure cooker before It whIstles.

Then realIzed that, I dId fInd solace on the bed after I was tIred on that saturaday nIght. agaIn my head rolled over the pIllow ,stIll a faInt murmur of the drums was comIng out of the Ipod earphones as my ears straIn to lIsten to It and started ponder over the dream I just felt.

It took me back In tIme. TIme where I just wanted to dream what I wanted. To the place where I had nIce begInIngs, to that space wIthIn me where I truly want to be.To the space that gIves me joy.

And to a place where Its just u and me and no one else. There Is sIlence yet an unsettIng noIse, all too calm yet too chaotIc, all too statIc yet somehow all In motIon. Yes, It Is just u and me.

I feel lIke I am walkIng wIth you holdIng hands on your favourIte street,brImmIng wIth tress, flutterIng leaf , darkness broken by golden glItterIng of street lIghts and cool breeze that whIspers softly but lucIdly tellIng me that I belong to you. And I smIle.

I smIle to the feelIng what I do feel for you, content wIth the fact that even you feel the same for me, so what If we wont get to talk, what If we wont express each other, what If we bow out to the cIrcumstances, as long as we never let our feelIngs to take a natural death.

Then my mInd saId that I woke up half dreamIng, half sensIng the realIty whIch really Isn't, and half wantIng to go back to sleep, but In entIrety wantIng to be wIth you always.....

And I float In the happIness, of what I become when I am wIth you.

A glass of water brought me back to the real world and then realIsed, how a dream can make you forget the InsecurIty, the need for reassurance, the fact that one day we would stop feelIng, the fact that you mIght not belong to me. An entIre exIstence In that one moment.

And I sank In the sadness, of what I become when I am not wIth you.

WIll I have the faIth to dream agaIn lIke thIs?

As unsure as the 'I' In 'ItalIcs.'

'U" n "I" are Unique..... Always

The below post may not be related to me itself and can be associated with any normal individual.

In any kind or form of relationship the relative values shared between two living beings is always unique. A father shares a different kind of relationship with his daughter than with his Son. In the same way a mother shares a unique relationship with her son and daughter. A National geographic TV channel freak can also notice the same among animals.

But, why do one share unique kind of relationship value with everyone? May be this is the one form of differentiating the relationship that we share with lot of other people. As the word unique itself says with its first two letters "U" n "I" and both are unique.That is the reason when someone leave us behind and decides to move on themselves it hurts a lot. The depression mounts and we feel that is the end of our Life. Because we identified ourselves with that person is so unique that we cannot get related with other person in the similar way. As finger prints are used to decode one's identity,in the similar way the relationship is identified by its uniqueness.

Relationship is a finger print on the promicious note called life, where two living beings mark their prints through the secret relative values shared between them. Neither one can replicate the print on the same promicious paper nor it will be similar. To fork a new relationship a new note with a different mark is needed.
when we meet a person , and they win over our hearts we do distinctly associate with them. May be with their Smile,Lips,Face or Voice and we reap beautiful dreams of spending time or even life together and this relationship one cannot recreate with someone else.

Unique is the reason why someone finds difficult to choose a relationship. May be everyone should understand that we do share a unique type of relative values
and time decides how strong our Uniqueness is.........

Hope all youngsters of my age can Understand :D

आज ज़माने से हार चूका हूँ मैं,
जीसे करता हूँ प्यार ना पा सका हूँ मैं,
वोह हसीना पास ही थी मेरे,
पर उससे बहुत दूर जा चूका हूँ मैं!!
अब थो ये जीदगी उसके बीन गुज़रना पड़ेगा
अकेले ही मरना पड़ेगा !!

आपने पूछा हमसे की हमे कीस चीज़ से प्यार है ...
आप या जीदगी
हमने थो जीदगी कहकर आपको कोदीये.,,
मगर आपको क्या पता था की...
आप है मेरे जीदगी ...आप है मेरे भंदगी !!

No Strings Attached

There was a village of toy makers.Each family was unique by itself. There were those who made dolls, animal toys and stuffed toys. A small girl lived in a little cozy cottage in that village. She was a puppet maker and a master.

Every night all the toys come to life and all the villagers and toys had a great time playing,dancing and enjoying all sorts of things. That is why the dolls from that village was so special. But a day would come when all the toys were packed and sent to their new homes all over the world. But our little girl had a problem and she never wanted to let her puppets go: in fact she never took the strings off.

Everyone's life in the village is detached,they pour so much life into the dolls , they care and hold those toys to play and one fine day they just let them go, because the new toys are to be made. But the little girl in our story loved being attached to them and they brought love,comfort,joy,happiness to her solitary life. But the toys knew someday .. they have to leave their master and go far away and toys always used to ask their masters to detach the strings whenever the toys wished.

One night fire broke out in the village and all the dolls made by the little girl were burnt into ashes and in the course she burnt her hands and was not able to make dolls anymore. She felt so bad and felt it would have been better if she would have detached the strings and let them go.

This is what happens in real life. We attach ourselves to people and we refuse to detach the strings. But the destiny has a different answer. All the strings attached in life has to go. But when the strings detach without our notice it hurts a lot. Yes we think why it can't just be "Black" and "White" ? Why "Grey"(the color of the ash left after strings detached). Yes, i lost my favorite puppet the other day. Even i never wanted to detach the strings , but my puppet cut the strings and left me.

It is better to detach the strings when time comes , otherwise the inwards tears in the heart leaves a scar and unlike outward tears cannot be wiped out.

"It is the curse of the puppet master. Unlike other toy makers, we become attached to our creations the minute we attach those strings. We help, guide and care for them and so, it is difficult to detach the strings when they come daily in our dreams or in our daily life".... How true?

Relate the same with the your loved ones parents,friends, acquaintance etc.., and will feel How true??? isn't it??

References: Short Story in one of the Local Newspaper.

(Impressed by a small little story in the English tabloid and a blog searched in "Google Blog Search. Moreover one of my friend sharing his feelings when his sister left for USA after marriage)

"When I see you smile and know that it is not for me, that is when I will miss you the most."

----23 Years 140 days as of today.. where are You???